if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize