i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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