Girls should come with a carfax report
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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