his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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