things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
