my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
