His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
