Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
