And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
