you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize