she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
