Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
