she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
