Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
