so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
