In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wish there were birth control emojis
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
