Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
