If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
