Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
