Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
