i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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