Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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