Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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