idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
