I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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