I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I love you.
Bad choice
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