There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
