This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Your penis caused this!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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