You made me cry and you don't even care
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
