So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
