Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
