dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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