But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
