Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
