Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
