You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
