you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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