so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
