I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
