oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
