yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
