Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
