my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
