dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He better not be in your backpack
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
