i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
