i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
