Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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