I think im going to throw up on grandma
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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