Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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