half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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