Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
