oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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