Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
