i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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