My first STD was from a foam party
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
