Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
