Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
