You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
