Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
