I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
