I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
