I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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