My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
