did you get engaged???
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
