the condom got lost in my hair
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
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I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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