he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
