I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
