My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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