I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
