end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
