What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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