walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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