There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
