READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
