I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
