Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
