I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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