she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
