1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
