I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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